Nothing brings the kids to the church like a cool rosary!

The kids today like bowling, right?

Yeah. I don't even know. My cousin's daughters are getting ready for their First Communion, so I'm looking for a nice gift. This ain't it.

They also have them to clip on your bag in case you need to pray while you're out (and, I guess, your regular rosary takes up too much space):



(Yes, those are meant to be hockey pucks.)

Jesus quacks me up.

(I bought this set for my mother this past Christmas. I got her these 60s-themed rubber duckies a couple of years back and it's spiraled into a thing. Ridiculous and laughable as these guys are, they're undeniably adorable.)

Poor execution of a...well, the idea really isn't that great either.

I mean, really. What genius came up with this one?

Someone SuperSized his Last Supper...

In fairness, I don't know if this is really a chubby Jesus or another icon. All I know is I have it saved with "jesus" in the filename, which does imply that the picture was captioned as such. I'm a little anal about that kind of thing.

The parting of the blue icing

Okay, so this isn't technically Jesus-related. But it's all from the Bible, right? And, I mean, it's a Moses cake. You have to love it.

You admittedly have to give the guy points for creativity.

But honestly, has anyone ever been converted by a cardboard sign, even a clever one?

In case you want to boil some Jesus-approved eggs.

Honestly, I don't see the need for a religious kitchen timer. I just don't.

Read Leviticus, people!

Okay, people like to cite Leviticus as the source for God's hating homosexuals. But apparently they're not reading closely enough, because it clearly states "Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD." (Leviticus 19:28)

Yet I STILL found these:



That adorable little girl is going straight to hell. Sad, really.

I guess even Jesus needs a change every now and then.

He doesn't look quite right without the beard, though.

I think he's possessed.

Seriously, what the hell is with those eyes??

No, it's NOT just a hideously ugly statue.

This monstrosity is a LAMP.

I've heard of kitchen witches before.

But never kitchen Jesii.

Who says snail mail is dead?

I found this little beauty on etsy.



On the inside:



It's still available and only two dollars! Really, you can't beat that price.

Granted, I've never seen a classy, aesthetically pleasing windchime.

But this is one of the uglier ones I've seen.

Yabba dabba doo

Jesus was baptized by Fred Flintstone. Didn't you know that? ...what ARE they teaching you kids in school these days?

Welcome to Earth, Jesus The world is your oyster.

I'm pretty sure I got this from Regretsy. You know, for twelve dollars, that's not a bad buy.

We three kings of Orient are...

...cuddly floppy rag dolls bearing the gifts of cheese, Snitches and an oversized novelty bishop?